Continuing with my story from the homepage, when the Lord told me that what I lacked in my discipline was "desire", a strange occurrence had happened.
My wife had been working with one of our livestock, which was a goat. The long story short with that incident is that the goat had reared up on her hind legs, which made her stand to the height of about six feet tall, and she came down with her head in a "headbutt" attack patter, and she landed her head onto my wife's leg's shin bone.
At the time, I was inside the house. My wife hobbled her way into the house. She sat next to me and told me the story.
I asked her how she felt, and her reply was that she was nauseous, her leg was throbbing, and her leg was bruised. All of those are indicative of a possible bone fracture.
With my new found epiphany about "desire", my thought was to pray for her.
So I laid my hand on the area where the goat had hit her while also thinking my wife would be upset with me for touching the spot.
All I really thought was that even though I may not "feel" anything moving through me (as I was in significant pain myself at the same time), it did not matter. I wanted to move towards her with good will, and that is how I had intended in my heart and had agreed with in my mind. As I felt nothing, I still believed good will for her that she would be healed.
After I was finished praying, I went back to dealing with my own pain.
As I did that, she looked at me, stood up, walked off, and disappeared from my sight. After that, I heard a lot of this and that noises in the kitchen. Later, she came back to me with dinner prepared. And, yes, I was still in a lot of pain. I had had surgery in the months before and had stopped taking the prescribed pain medicine cold turkey as I couldn't get back to the doctor and the pain medications were actually causing me to have more pain in areas not related to the surgery, which meant that I kept taking more and more pain medications. It was a vicious circle that I had just wanted to be over, but, the method brought with it painful withdraws.
So she came and brought me dinner, and I had asked her how she was feeling.
She remarked, "Oh, I was healed the second you prayed for me!"
I was puzzled. I personally, did not "feel" anything other than being dead centered on what I had wanted for her.
I then realized that "desire" (contrary to what I was taught) is not a feeling. It is an intention of the will. It is movement towards gaining something that is not currently possessed in the degree that is expected. Desire is the solution applied to acquire what is not satisfied quantitatively but, rather, wanted quantitatively instead.
When a person states, "I want that", this means, "I lack that but intend to get it" or "I don't have that but intend to get it".
Just before Jesus was put to death, he sat with his disciples and spoke about "desire" within the following,
"And when the hour was come, he sat down, and the twelve apostles with him. And he said unto them, With desire I have desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer:" Luke 22:14-15 (Source: King James Version of the Bible)
Later, in the scriptures, another writer, to a group of people he called the "Colossians", wrote,
"If you then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sits on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." Colossians 3:1-2 (Source: King James Version of the Bible)
That term "affection" is akin to "seeking", which involves "moving" but describes what type of intensity in movement.
When I think of both "desire" and "good", both are arbitrary terms to me. What is it that I moving towards? What is it that I am gathering once I get there? More importantly, is what I doing what I am supposed to be doing?
Without a historical dictionary, I would find it very difficult for me to write to you because, without it, I would have to hope that your understanding of the English language is comparable to mine. In general, ours are probably comparable, but also, in general, the words we have learned in order for us to survive in each our own culture probably do not share the same exact cultural reference.
Even though I was born, raised, and have spent my residential life in the USA, there are words that I use every day that I have to use in the way that this present culture uses them in order for me to convey meaning. When I realized that the way we use words today oddly is often not what the words meant when they first were created, I was shocked. Yes. For real. So many of the words we use every day are not true to their origins. Upon realizing that, I took my hobby of having fun to research English words from a hobby into a way of life. Now, I understand the English language in like a dual-language approach. I understand many words as they were originally intended or at least how they were originally created, AND I understand how my current culture uses, misuses, corrupts, and changes words to fit its narrative. It's honestly mind-boggling.
Take a journey with me OK?
Slow our mind down in a little historical fun.
Please look studiously at the origins of the terms "desire" and "good" and terms related to them below.
Each word or term (in the pictures below) ... the terms that are in bold are the terms being defined. After defined term is the pronounciation of the term. After that, the terms that look like alternative spellings of the defined term are exactly that. Those are historical spellings. The numbers in front of the historical spellings are the places later on in the definition where you will find those spellings used in historical written works. After the historical spellings and their locations in the definitions is the area (when offered) between the square brackets [ ]. The area between the brackets [ ] usually give you the collaborating terms from other languages as well as the foundational English terms that created the defined term. Sometimes, a commentary is offered to further clarify the way the defined term was researched, used, or whatever else was thought at the time to be of benefit to you.
In the definitions below, I have highlighted the English language terms to help you more readily find the English terminology. There is a lot of text there that is unfamiliar to a native English user, so as a note of caution ... the way the Oxford English Dictionary of 1888 laid out the information the text causes me some intellectual trouble in understanding because of the format by which the information is presented. For me, I to have to get my mind into the mode of the way the editors printed it and used their abbreviations and such. After I slow my mind down to take in the format, then I usually can flow with the format. It is easy to just skim over the formatting and miss the entire beauty of the work the editors did with their research.
Please review the origins of each of the definitions (in yellow). It is a strange way, even to me, to understand a defined term in the Oxford. If you will, please read the information a few times because you are looking at the origins of the terms (the true definition) instead of today's popular usages of the terms, which are often listed as numerical entries below the brackets [ ]. The true definitions usually are not in sentence form but in single words or in short phrases. Also, I highlighted areas of commentary in pink. The green highlights are references to other terms to which the terms are related.
DESIRE - Below is the word sense development for the term "desire". The terms of "desiderate", "consider", "sideral", and "sidereal" are in the origins of the term "desire". The "sense-history of "desiderate" is unknown, however, when you look at the other terms related to it, it is not difficult to piece together that "desire" is like the mental and emotional senses of longing to explore the mysteries of the constellations - places that were physically impossible to explore at the time the dictionary below was printed.
The definitions below are from the Oxford English Dictionary of 1888.