Independent vs. Dependent


Having been through a lot of logic and psychology in my own mind in trying to figure life out, I now tend to see a lot of rabbit trails people follow in society ... following the same or similar rabbit trails like I used to follow.

From what I see, one of humanity's largest issues is, at its base, is it is largely dependent upon others, which I, at one time, was thick into.

Now, the modern vogue is not "dependent", but, rather, "codependent". A dependent seems to take on the legal aspect of supporting children, a spouse, a family member, etc.

When I looked up that term "codependent" in the Oxford English Dictionary of 1888, I came to learn that the term "codependent" is not in that dictionary. Why do you think that might be? Well, I have an idea.

I think it is because when a person is "dependent", it is understood that the person or persons upon whom the dependent is "dependent", the relationships represents a mutual, inseparable relationship, in that, the dependent is "dependent" upon the other person or persons, but the relationship is not necessarily mutually dependent though it could be.

The term "codependent" then, I think, is derived from more than one persons in a relationship being mutually dependent upon each other. In terms of psychology, I think this interaction has come into vogue as being a problem, in which, perhaps, the term "codependent" was coined though that thought bears further research.

But in my own life, yes. I do have dependents, but I move upon them to become independent of me. That is not codependency. Creating independent adults is what parenting is about ... modeling independence so that the children have a pathway to independence.

Unfortunately, for me, though, I was modeled by a codependent mother who parented me to remain codependent and to become something like a surrogate husband for her, in which, enabled her to remain the authority (to shield her from her fears) and I was to be the accountability (to protect her from her fears), which caused a dysfunctional, mutually dependent relationship ... as independence itself embodies both authority as well as accountability within an individual, which is not dysfunctional but healthy instead. That is not the parenting model that was presented to me. Codependence is what she was taught, and it is what she taught.

Through the years though, once I realized what had happened to me, the more I became independent, the less I found myself following others down the rabbit holes of dependence and codependence.

There is so much to do that I independently enjoy. I look forward to each day for what the day can bring forth. When I look back now, my past is filled with fun and interesting events that I did alone that didn't need neither the praises nor the approvals of others, and my life moving forward is looking forward to the same transparency within myself.

Otherwise, I spent much of my waking hours in anxiety and depression over what I didn't do for appreciation by someone else.

Life is simpler being independent. There is so much more to do, and life is "funner" for me too! :)